Jul 9, 0. I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong answer - I went to see my Dad the day before the funeral and he had passed away 2 weeks previous. I felt I had to see him because I would never see him again and I wasn't with him when he died. He was the first dead person I had ever seen and I was worried that it may not look like him but he looked so peaceful because his pain had gone he hadn't got dementia it did bring some comfort.
Whatever you decide to do must be the right decision for you, it is nice that friends have said they will go with you, I'm not sure I would have coped going on my own.
Take care x. Apr 24, 6, 0 Scotland. I had a close relationship with my mother and brother and wanted to remember them in life and not in death. After that everything would have been a downward move so I left it and held on to that last memory. I was abroad when Mum died and by the time I got back the undertaker advised against looking at her. You weigh it all up and do what feels right.
Ohso Registered User. Jan 4, 0. For me it was an odd feeling of 'unfinished' or 'finished' that may not the correct phrasing but closure sounds so trite as it is used for so many things. When a friends son died I needed to see him, it didnt matter to me what he looked like I just knew and so glad I went, he was 2, that was my first experience.
When my dad died, at home, I sat with him, held his hand and told him I loved him, he stayed at home over night and the following morning I did the same, I never saw him again and it was the right decision for me, there was no 'need' When my husband died I had to identify him, even though he died in hospital and I was there when he passed, I am not sure why I had to to that but for me it was an official duty given the choice I wouldnt have seen him again after being on the ward with him, I didnt see him in the undertakers.
My point is that somewhere inside you is the answer, and what is right today might not be right tomorrow so take your time, and see how you feel, how would you feel if you never took the chance to see her again, ever DianeW Registered User. Sep 10, 0 Lytham St Annes.
The first person I saw was my friends Mum, she looked peaceful and serene, I was just there for my friend so obviously not as emotionally connected.
I was glad I spent time with her, my sister was with me and struggled more so, I was happy to fix her clothing and hair etc, my sister telling me all the time not too because she was squeamish. We did have a little joke in the end when I said to my sister I would lift Mum a bit so she could straighten her clothes She tells that story often, but it did lighten it for both of us. Lastly my Auntie who was like another Mum to me and she was like asleep Oh and to reassure you, for me my memories are not of that final viewing, but all the other happy or sad times spent together.
Kikki21 Registered User. Feb 27, 2, 0 East Midlands. I prefer to remember her as she was before she went into hospital. Duggies-girl Registered User. Sep 6, 2, 0. I went to see my mum although I didn't want to and she had always told me that she didn't want anyone to see her after she died so I would have respected her wishes. My dad wanted me to see her and it seemed important to him so I went for his sake and mum looked lovely.
In fact I went twice with him because he wanted to see her again. I wish that I hadn't because of my mum's wishes but at the time I had to consider dad.
We were both with her when she died and said our goodbyes then so I would have been happy with that but it was important to dad.
I would go with what your gut feeling, there are no right or wrong, it is up to what you feel is right for you. Thanks again everyone for all your support and advice, it's likely now that I will go to see mum next Tuesday. My biggest worry is that she will have been in the mortuary for three weeks by then, I know that she has been embalmed, but three weeks just seems like such a long time to store a body.
The funeral directors have advised me by email that the embalmer has made her "visible" and can be viewed but to not expect her to look like before she passed away, well I know that she will look different, I imagine a little extra work had to be done due to the fact that she was embalmed rather late.
One of mums carers who would wash mum and change her and bedding etc that we were particularly close to, an African lady from Guyana who was very close to both me and mum in the last year or so of this journey, called me late yesterday to tell me that I must go, that mum is waiting for me and that I will never get the chance again to see her once the coffin is shut.
I felt that she was probably right so chances are that I will be going now. Dec 30, 2, 0 Essex. I saw my mother after 3 weeks in the funeral parlour. I am afraid I got a bit upset as, although the funeral director said to me "she didn't look too bad" rather an insensitive remark, I thought , her expression was not quite what I expected and it didn't look like her, something was missing and her expression wasn't quite "her".
As DianeW said, it is just the body of the person and the spirit has gone. My mother always told me not to go and see anyone who had died and I think I should have heeded her.
On the other hand, although I now have that memory, lots of happier memories still come to mind. Hi Nina Yes I'm pretty sure that it will be an upsetting experience for me too, but it's still mum so it will be the last time that I will be able to see her and spend some time with her, I keep telling myself that and it sort of gives me a bit of extra courage.
I had a dream last night, a bit confusing, something about school exams that I missed. Then there were these trollies like they have in hospital and I was told that someone had just been cremated, it seemed that it was my mum. So I thought, I must have got there too late to see her and I was fine with that in a strange way.
Then I went into this room and there was my mum, lying there in what seemed to be some sort of swimming costume, looking quite well in fact almost alive and about 40 years younger too, she was covered in a very thin layer of plastic wrap type of stuff. And then I woke up. Such a strange dream. Anyway, two of my oldest lady friends are going to be coming along with me on Tuesday, we sorted all the details out this afternoon, one is driving, then I'm taking them for a meal.
So I will be going, in fact they will be closing the coffin on Wednesday morning. You can still visit the Chapel of Rest during the pandemic, however the numbers of people allowed in at one time has been reduced to two, to allow for proper social distancing.
Mourners who are in an extremely clinically vulnerable group have been advised that they should minimise their contact with others during the pandemic for their personal protection.
However, if you are shielding you may wish to attend the funeral if the service is for a close relative. Government advice is not to attend a funeral if there are others attending who are self-isolating due to another member of the household being unwell with symptoms of coronavirus, as they could be incubating coronavirus.
If a mourner who is extremely clinically vulnerable does attend they should always maintain a distance of 2 metres away from others and consider face masks and gloves. There are no restrictions for this and there is no risk of infection at a funeral service from someone who has passed away from Coronavirus. You should be mindful however that close family members who shared the same household may be incubating the virus and social distancing should be maintained. Most crematoria have web-casting services and this is something that has proved very popular during the lockdown.
The family arrange the web casting through Stibbards and Sons Ltd and can then invite family members and friends to view the service by providing them with login details and a password. Chapel of Rest. Our Services. A Private Chapel of Rest The chapel of rest is a quiet, dignified environment in which friends and family can pay their last respects to their loved one. Chapel of Rest Etiquette The etiquette in the chapel of rest is usually more relaxed than at the funeral itself, but you should always check with us and definitely the family or next of kin of the deceased for any specific guidelines.
Talking in the Chapel of Rest There are not usually any rules around not speaking when mourners visit the deceased person in the chapel. How to dress when visiting the Chapel of Rest Unless there are cultural or religious reasons for wearing specific clothes in the chapel of rest there is not usually any formal etiquette with regards to dress.
Taking Pictures This is generally frowned upon but is acceptable in some cultures, we do not encourage it on a general basis. Can I see my relative in the Chapel of Rest during the Pandemic? Booking an Appointment Appointments for visits to the chapel of rest should be made through the office where the funeral has been arranged, during normal office hours.
Excludes direct cremation and essentials packages N. Can I attend a funeral if I have Coronavirus symptoms? I have Coronavirus symptoms or I'm self-isolating. Can I still arrange a funeral? If the deceased has left specific instructions regarding a chapel of rest and his or her funeral, they will be followed and arranged at the same time by the funeral director.
The chapel of rest is a place for friends, family, and acquaintances to pay a visit to the deceased, show their respect, and make their final goodbyes. This is also a place to demonstrate support and care for a family who lost someone they hold dear. The chapel of rest provides a place for people to reunite to pay their last respects. When you visit, expect a lot of talking and greeting as friends and relatives gather together. Friends and family reminisce about the good old days and, of course, cry as they remember the one who passed away.
Share memories others can delight in rather than painful ones that might cause some people to feel upset or uncomfortable. Take note of your manners and remain courteous and respectful at all times, as this is a sensitive and emotional moment for everyone present.
Pay attention to any requests the family makes on your chapel of rest invitation. Just as a funeral, these occasions have their own rules and etiquette that everyone should follow. The family may request certain dress codes to be followed in order to keep the event solemn. In the end, everything falls at the discretion of the family and the funeral director. Since the chapel of rest is set up as the ideal place and time for mourning, expect a lot of crying.
This is normal, and should not make you uncomfortable. Your tears will show the family that you share in their grief. Pay respect to those who mourn, especially the bereaved family.
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