I'd like to believe that no one is difficult for the sake of being difficult. Even when it may seem that the person is just out to get you, there is always some underlying reason that is motivating them to act this way.
Rarely is this motivation apparent. Get some perspective from others. In all likelihood, your colleagues, managers and friends must have experienced similar situations in some way or another. They will be able to see things from a different angle and offer a different take on the situation.
Seek them out, share your story and listen to what they have to say. You might very well find some golden advice in amidst of the conversation. Let the person know where you are coming from.
One thing that has worked for me is to let the person know my intentions behind what I am doing. Sometimes, they are being resistant because they think that you are just being difficult with them. Letting them in on the reason behind your actions and the full background of what is happening will enable them to empathize with your situation.
This lets them get them on-board much easier. Build a rapport. With all the computers, emails and messaging systems, work sometimes turn into a mechanical process. Re-instill the human touch by connecting with your colleagues on a personal level.
Go out with them for lunches or dinners. Get to know them as people, and not colleagues. Learn more about their hobbies, their family, their lives. Foster strong connections. These will go a long way in your work. Treat the person with respect.
As the golden rule says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Sometimes, you may be put into hot soup by your difficult colleagues, such as not receiving a piece of work they promised to give or being wrongly held responsible for something you didn't do. Whatever it is, acknowledge that the situation has already occurred. Rather than harp on what you cannot change, focus on the actionable steps you can take to forward yourself in the situation. I'd be curious to learn about how my readers have responded to a difficult person.
Leave a comment, or hit me up on Twitter to continue the discussion. Top Stories. Top Videos. Getty Images. Here are the best strategies for handling the most difficult person. Develop Your Self-awareness. Maintain comfortable eye contact. In other words, don't "give him the eye. Pay attention to non-verbal signals as a way of reading the person's feeling state. Use an "I" statement of feeling. Ex: "I feel this like decision violates our trust.
Without a request, you're merely describing your feelings--and that's a good start, but if you want things to change, you'll probably need to provide a little guidance.
Ex: "I'm requesting that from now on you hold your comments until the end of the meeting. Focus on difficult person's behavior and never make it about the person. Give specific examples that you can back up.
Feedback should always be focused on win-win. This label is hard to escape and can have devastating consequences for your career. Finally, if the situation continues to deteriorate over time, the organization and your boss may tire of you.
Confronting the bully publicly can often lead to disaster. Putting dead bugs in his desk drawer can leave your boss no option other than to fire you. Are you convinced that in almost all cases you need to productively deal with your difficult coworker? These are ten productive ways in which you can learn and deal with your difficult coworker.
Have you always experienced difficulty with the same type of person or actions? Does a pattern exist for you in your interaction with coworkers? Do you recognize that you have hot buttons that are easily pushed? We all do, you know. Brainstorm ways to address the situation. When you are the object of an attack, or your boss appears to support the dysfunctional actions of a coworker, it is often difficult to objectively assess your options. Anger, pain, humiliation, fear, and concern about making the situation worse are legitimate emotions.
You are committing to act unless you agree actions will only hurt the situation. Otherwise, you risk becoming a whiner or complainer in the eyes of your colleague. You can also explain to your coworker the impact of their actions on you. Be pleasant and agreeable as you talk with the other person.
They may not be aware of the impact of their words or actions on you. They may be learning about their impact on you for the first time. Or, they may have to consider and confront a pattern in their own interaction with people. Worst case? They may know and recognize their impact on you but deny it or try to explain it away. During the discussion, attempt to reach an agreement about positive and supportive actions going forward.
Focus on the one or two actions that hurt or hinder you the most. Has the behavior changed? Gotten better? Or worse? Determine whether a follow-up discussion is needed. Determine whether a follow-up discussion will have any impact. Decide if you want to continue to confront the difficult person by yourself. Become a peacemaker. Decide how badly you want to make peace with the other person and how much you want your current job.
Determine whether you have experienced a pattern of support from your boss. If not, escalate and move to the next idea. Deal with the person with gentle humor or slight sarcasm. Or, make an exaggerated physical gesture—no, not that one—such as a salute or place your hand over your heart to indicate a serious wounding. Direct confrontation does work well for some people in some situations. The success of these tactics for you will depend on your ability to pull them off.
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